so i was sitting up in the office today, watching the kids that went by after the dismissal bell rang. laughing, joking, jumping around on each other, gossiping, talking and complaining about this teacher doing this or that kid saying that. i watched them from my seat behind the front desk and i imagined what their lives must be like.
maybe they have an abusive family. maybe they are an only child. maybe they're poor. maybe they're rich. maybe they're just normal. maybe they've had a friend cry on their shoulder. maybe they've almost committed suicide. maybe they do drugs. maybe they are two-faced, throwing barbs and taking jabs and tearing, tooth and nail, and anyone who tries to get too close. maybe they've been in fights. maybe they've been in love.
maybe they're the closest friends they've ever had.
maybe they were actually there for each other through the bad times.
i imagined all this from my seat behind the front desk and i thought, "after they graduate, it's all going to be gone."
and it's probably the same for me.
the thought isn't comforting at all, to tell you the truth, but i won't cry over it. not now. ever since i was little i knew that people and relationships--they're fleeting. it's like a bump in the road on your way through aging. faces and names are blurry after a time and there's no sense in dwelling on what's already lost.
it's cynical, disheartening, and probably bitter sounding, but i'm far from that. i'm not an angry person, i'm not a depressed person; 99% of the time the only emotion i really know is ":DDD!!!" or something similar. it's strange that this realization isn't affecting me more, but this is what life is, this is what reality is, this is what happens to most everyone.
and i accept it.
and though i don't want to lose what's precious to me, i know that one day i will.
would it be more painful to give it up now or later though?
but while i'm sat here letting my mind ooze over the keys, i'll just state something random that i believe. or actually, to be precise, what i don't believe.
love.
i don't believe there is such a thing.
now before people go all "|||||: omgemofag" and de-friend me, allow me to explain. (: the love that i am talking about is the romantic kind, not the friendly/family/whatever kind. so many couples fall apart, more so than the amount getting together, that it's not really 'love' to me--it's a long-term infatuation. this may just be me and my personality, but after being around someone day after day after day after day the negative qualities of a person seems more noticeable than a neon pink sign in the middle of a desert at night. after a while, the 'love' people felt starts to fade away. it was strong in the beginning but then it starts to drain away and being with that person becomes a hassle, a strain.
i'm not saying it's like this for all couples, but about 7 of every 10 couples that i've ever known have ended up breaking up because "it just wasn't there anymore."
but then again this is just me.
a high school teen with hardly any life experience.
do i have any base to say?
and time goes on.
edit: END THIS ENTRY ON A HAPPIER NOTE LMAO
☆ the love meme ☆