kacy
age 9000+
florida, USA
fandoms: SM (dong bang and suju + the occasional hyori), JE (k8 and news), anime/manga, boy love, cock, etc

TRU FAX
☼ CHANGMIN
☼ RYO
☼ slightly paranoid
☼ slightly introverted
☼ slightly psychotic
☼ DISNEY MOVIES ♥
☼ compulsive liar
☼ women are nasty
☼ men are hot
☼ CAPSLOCK
☼ swearing is caring
☼ i like new friends (:
☼ flailflailflail
☼ i write lotsa fic )':
☼ cooooooocccccckkkkkk
☼ not an m
☼ flufy_umbreon - MY SERVANT, JUNSU-YAH ♥!

if you add me, please comment or something. (:

...so. i pretty much have been neglecting the hell out of this journal. ): i went back and checked my f!list to read over some of the things i missed but if i missed something crucial then pls let me know.

busy with school atm (applying to colleges and trying to figure out wtf i'm doing so i don't screw it up) and also dealing with a few troubles but it's cool. family and i have always made it through tough times so we'll survive somehow. ♥ nothing very interesting is going on though.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh have lots of homework i have to do ))))))': WHY CAN MY HOMEWORK NOT BE TO JUST WATCH ASIANS ALL DAY SOBSOB

brb, procrastinating.

edit friends cut. ): please don't take it personally. we probably didn't talk much. that, or i couldn't remember which username belonged to who. @_@ my memory is shot.

...i'm sorry, what homework? ]:

something from christmas day that i forgot to post (: happy new year, everyone ♥

( msn convo with intense maturity )

HELLO F!LIST, WE DON'T TALK MUCH DO WE.

lmfao oh god, first meetings with people are awkwaaaaaard for me.

hayhay guys, guys i talk to lots, and anyone else who is reading this or on my flist,

what was your first impression of me? was my first meeting with you awkward? :| how about my first msn chat with you?

the only first meeting i really recall right now was with flufy_umbreon and it was when we first started talking on msn. idek how i got her msn. (REMEMBER AMY? WE USED TO TYPE IN PROPER CASE AND USE AN ASSORTMENT OF EMOTES TO MAKE SURE THAT THE OTHER DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND. WE EVEN USED THE /SARCASM THING LMFAO OHSNAP. AND NOW YOU SPAM MY ENTRIES WITH INAPPROPRIATE PICTURES ;|||) anyway, it was. um. awkward. to say the least.

AWKWARD KACY IS AWKWARD.
BUT GRADUALLY THINGS GET BETTER? I PROMISE, I'M NOT A KNOB ALL THE TIME ;; AMIRITE, AMY?

this is all a futile attempt to stop myself from cleaning my room. sobsob

edit: i don't think i'll ever get tired of this icon. ;; oh changmin, the things you do to me. THE THINGS YOU DO.

edit #2: wtf i can see my floor. I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD ONE OF THOSE

THE BABY HAS FUCKING GROWN UP



SGOIJGHWIRUG I CAN SEE HIS GOOSEBUMPS CRIESOMG
I AM NOT CUTTING THIS
NO WAY

while trying to fix my fic journal layout, i accidentally deleted this journal's layout.
lmfao.
god, i'm an idiot.

okay, so anyone who saw my freaked out entry the other day, it's cool now. presentation is done with; i've completed the one main project of mine that was needed to graduate. out of a possible 100 points, i got 109.
....
109.

i have no idea how that fucking happened. i bullshitted my way through everything, i slapped my powerpoint and presentation together in about 5 hours, i stammered and nearly stabbed myself with my flashdrive when i was trying to hook it up--but they said i was articulate and that i was passionate.

brownie points for me for flailing (like the nerd i am) happily when one of the judges recommended a book to me that i may like. lololol god i'm lame.

so anyway, that's done with. my ACT (another college test or something) test is tomorrow at 8 AM. hopefully i do better on this than the SAT testing. i've forgotten nearly all my math ahahahahaha (: once this test is done i have exams all next week.

BUT THEN THERE'S WINTER BREAK AND I'M FREE FOR TWO WEEKS AHAHAHAHAHHAAHFHERNAINSDIUGFSDFICFICFIC

gonna go review for my test now. seeing as it's 11 pm and i haven't looked at my ACT study book in the three weeks i've had it. lmfao go me, i'll ace this shit for sure.

IN OTHER NEWS: CONGRATS TO flufy_umbreon FOR BEING BRILLIANT AND GETTING INVITED TO BIGSHOT UNIVERSITY SHIT.
i wonder why most of the really smart people i know act like they have the IQ of a dish rag.

O/T: just watched the last episode of avatar the last airbender. fuuuuuuuuuck that was a good series. ;w; oh zuko. oh sokka. ♥!

okay so today i had an SRA (school-related absence) because my senior project presentation is tonight at 6:40 pm. the school figured it would be nice and give us the day to prepare and what not.

why the fuck did i enter the smart-kid class
why did i pick AP
whyomgsrigbsuifnadsuignhadgsdgin
sobsobsobsob

I CANNOT PRESENT
MY DEFAULT IS TO EITHER CRY OR LAUGH WHEN I HAVE TO PRESENT SOMETHING
AINDFDSOGMAOSIFNAOISNFSEGVJNUSIJDF PEOPLE STARING AT ME OMG
I HAVE TO ACT PROFESSIONAL AND WEAR A PROFESSIONAL OUTFIT AND SIBNSIUDF MY HAIR NEEDS STRAIGHTENING AND SIDUBGNIUDFN OMG IDK IF I DID MY POWERPOINT CORRECTLY SIDNGIUSDGFS
LUIJSDGSDG THIS IS WORTH 15% OF MY GRADES
CANNOT GRADUATE IF I FUCK THIS UP JNATYUEIFS
SUDGBIOZMVXFZFZFZFZFZFZFFDFF

tl;dr

PRESENTATION IN 5 HOURS. BRB, SOBBING.

HAY AMY

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN PRINCE WILLIAM HAD AN AFFAIR WITH JAEJOONG?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU CONFIDED IN ME THAT YOU WERE HARD?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED IT HARD?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID MY MIND WAS THE GAYBOY MANSION?


oh the memories. (:

EDIT! ONE OF OUR DEEPER CONVERSATIONS

CHANGMIN WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING CUTE SEXY HOT SMUG ADORABLE I LOVE YOU SO HARD
HAIR
SO
CUTE
WHY
SRGHERTGFFGOMGCHANGMINILUDOMEADSHFEDTHGF

UM WAIT
THIS FOLLOWING AN ENTRY PROFESSING MY LOVE FOR RYO MAKES THE PREVIOUS SEEM NON-LEGIT
)))))))': ryo i swear i still love you
i love you long and hard
butbutbut
changmin
ryo
changmin
ryo
;;

lyf, y so hrd.

ansbtgauhsfnsduyvgbfauyifabfyuatdyfhsdvg
when
what
when did the torn thing come out
where was i
where was i
where in the fuck was i
omg ryo
ohkura
ryo
RYO, OH HOW YOU STILL MAKE ME WEAK ;;

god damn korean fandom how you drain me of life and love and sfgdbugsdf ryo i love you so hard idek sfgdjgnsgshfdegfs SEXY STRIPPER IDEK RYO YOU SLAY ME ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

FOREVER AND EVER
NO MATTER HOW LOOONG
FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIIIIIIME♪

RYO, DON'T WORRY, I HAVEN'T REPLACED YOU IN MY HEART. YOU JUST HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH CHANGMIN NOW ))))))))': BUT BUT BUT YOU'RE STILL THERE
STILL
AND YOU DON'T MIND SHARING IT WITH CHANGMINNIE AMIRITE? HE'S SEXY TOO. AND HE LOVES OSAKA. IGNORE HIS HEIGHT AND IT'LL BE FINE. IF YOU CAN BE BFF WITH UCHI AND OHKURA THEN YOU'LL BE FINE WITH MIN.



YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME SO EASILY, RYO :DDDDDDDDDD

so i was sitting up in the office today, watching the kids that went by after the dismissal bell rang. laughing, joking, jumping around on each other, gossiping, talking and complaining about this teacher doing this or that kid saying that. i watched them from my seat behind the front desk and i imagined what their lives must be like.

maybe they have an abusive family. maybe they are an only child. maybe they're poor. maybe they're rich. maybe they're just normal. maybe they've had a friend cry on their shoulder. maybe they've almost committed suicide. maybe they do drugs. maybe they are two-faced, throwing barbs and taking jabs and tearing, tooth and nail, and anyone who tries to get too close. maybe they've been in fights. maybe they've been in love.

maybe they're the closest friends they've ever had.

maybe they were actually there for each other through the bad times.

i imagined all this from my seat behind the front desk and i thought, "after they graduate, it's all going to be gone."

and it's probably the same for me.

the thought isn't comforting at all, to tell you the truth, but i won't cry over it. not now. ever since i was little i knew that people and relationships--they're fleeting. it's like a bump in the road on your way through aging. faces and names are blurry after a time and there's no sense in dwelling on what's already lost.

it's cynical, disheartening, and probably bitter sounding, but i'm far from that. i'm not an angry person, i'm not a depressed person; 99% of the time the only emotion i really know is ":DDD!!!" or something similar. it's strange that this realization isn't affecting me more, but this is what life is, this is what reality is, this is what happens to most everyone.

and i accept it.

and though i don't want to lose what's precious to me, i know that one day i will.

would it be more painful to give it up now or later though?



but while i'm sat here letting my mind ooze over the keys, i'll just state something random that i believe. or actually, to be precise, what i don't believe.

love.

i don't believe there is such a thing.

now before people go all "|||||: omgemofag" and de-friend me, allow me to explain. (: the love that i am talking about is the romantic kind, not the friendly/family/whatever kind. so many couples fall apart, more so than the amount getting together, that it's not really 'love' to me--it's a long-term infatuation. this may just be me and my personality, but after being around someone day after day after day after day the negative qualities of a person seems more noticeable than a neon pink sign in the middle of a desert at night. after a while, the 'love' people felt starts to fade away. it was strong in the beginning but then it starts to drain away and being with that person becomes a hassle, a strain.

i'm not saying it's like this for all couples, but about 7 of every 10 couples that i've ever known have ended up breaking up because "it just wasn't there anymore."

but then again this is just me.

a high school teen with hardly any life experience.

do i have any base to say?



and time goes on.


edit: END THIS ENTRY ON A HAPPIER NOTE LMAO
☆ the love meme ☆

junho is the manly one? :|

So today was not a very good day, seeing as I nearly fell down a flight of stairs (haven't done that in a while ): i'm out of practice) and i lost my flash drive (it contains all my typed schoolwork...AND MY FUCKING FICS).

needless to say there was a rather long 2 hour panic session in which i freaked out, cried, and stayed locked in my room with a pissy aura seeping under the doorway. Still have no idea where the flash drive is, so. Yeah.

.......I had my smut fics on there.


This little episode led me to tell my mom about it. All of it. The guy/guy, the porn fics, the random cute pics, etc, etc. Unsurprisingly she took it well and said she would be on my side should something bad come up from this.

Have i ever mentioned how much i love my mother? have i?

I love her so much.

God, she's so understanding.

If nothing comes out of my losing my flash drive and I somehow end up getting it back.
...
well.
mom just learned some lovely things about her daughter that makes them ever closer. (:


and now i need to sleep or something.

♥♥♥ night

i will be so grateful when elections are over and all this political bullshit is done.

fuuuuuuuuck
world spinning
throat hurting
feet throbbing
back in pain
but holy hell was it fuuuuun ♥

SPIRIT NIGHT AT SCHOOL
GO SENIOOOORRSSS
CLASS OF 2009 ♥♥♥♥♥

if i wasn't so worn out from screaming and dashing about then i would spam you all with pics from spirit night
but then i figured i'd just wait until the end of the week when spirit week is over
and spam you with a lot of pictures then
(:
lucky lovelies
be ready on friday
saturday is homecoming sdijgbsiufg i hate dresses but i plan to HORIZON DANCE my ass to hell and back

this entry has no point ((((((((((((((: